It's my blog and I'll cry if I want toooo.

I'm feelin' a little rude this evening and sense some brainal leakage (arharar) coming on:
-I feel intense pangs of anxiety, jealousy, nostalgia and I'm also incredibly grateful. Each emotion feeds off the one before it. I'm only twenty and I've never felt so old and tired. God, I have made some mistakes in my life and probably haven't learnt from half of them. Only I must have been doing something right over the last couple of months, because it seems I've ended up with this heart-stopping group of people around me. Some of them willing to punch, drive and listen to hours of smack that comes out of my mouth for me. FOR FREE. Maybe I was a rad person in another life. I'm going to miss them when I move to Melbourne.

-I cannot wait for my Melbourne trip next week. Maybe getting away from this town will give me perspective. Or a hangover. I'm looking forward to SHOUTING SONGS AT REALLY GIRLY GIGS and spooning my bestfriend. I'd really like to go back to The Yellow Bird on Chapel street and drink $5.00 pints and sink into velvet couches. I'm too excited to see my Mia Kitty and Kelly. They are both Betty Page babes and I want them in all their pin-up girl glory. I am allowing myself one night of total chaos and rowdy behaviour to heal my little souuuuuul. I deserve it, yes I do. I also want a hug from Daisy and to lay in the grass with Lauren, sorting out brains out like we always do. I want to see James and Soph and eat dumplings and drink gin in the city.
This makes me even more excited to move. I don't know how anyone could pass up that place.

-I love being young with my whole heart. I love that the only serious ball and chain I have in my life is my iPhone plan. I can stay at university for another five years and it wouldn't even bother anyone. I can drink on a daily basis and it's just uni life (not actually that tough.) I can go dancing and yell lyrics and throw fists of glitter and it's a normal weekend.
I was told by a man on my last birthday that nobody takes you seriously until you're thirty. Apparently it only gets better as you get older. I highly doubt this. I'm in a position where I can do what I want, without too much responsibility. Very little is expected of me and I'm down with that.

-I'm tired of being nice. I'm pretty good at articulating my emotions and I'm painfully honest. I'm not saying I'm a good person all the time, but I make HUGE efforts with people sometimes and usually come out feeling worse than they do...Or so it seems this year. Those efforts don't seem to come back my way. I don't have tickets on myself, but I think I've got a lot to offer people. I can be quite sweet (underneath the sassy...) and giving. Simple. I'm little, I don't even take up that much room haha. It's retarded how much my heart tells me to do things over the logic that friends, family and even my own brain give me. Chyeahhhh...I just really wanna hold hands and spoon and listen to Lovecats all the time.

-I should tune into the sassy that everyone talks about. Go a little Alison from The Dead Weather on life and punch some jerks. Go and play or something. I feel like partying tonight.

-I'd never want to be such an overtly sexual person. Modesty-sexy.

None of this has made sense and I'm glad.

"Failing to see if this sinking ship should sail, while gasping for air in your pool of perfume."